Romance Redefined Read online

  I placed my hands against his chest and shoved him away. “Stop it. I’m not doing this.”

  “What’s the matter, Benny? Afraid to admit that at least one thing had been right between us?” He raked his eyes up and down my body with an appreciative gaze. “Very right.”

  Hugh’s touch was dangerous. I knew what that look meant. It had seduced me several times throughout the years. But I was resolute. I would not allow Hugh to crumble me.

  “It’s not enough. If I wanted nothing but sex, I could pick up any Tom, Dick, or Harry any given night and they wouldn’t ask me so many damn questions.”

  “I won’t ask you a single one tonight,” he whispered. He stepped up close again. He ran the back of his knuckles gently along my jaw. One touch, that’s all it took, and I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to press closer. All rational thought fled me. Hugh began to sway, and as naturally as breathing, I followed. I slid my hands over his shoulders and rose to meet his lips as if I possessed no will of my own.

  The spark ignited, and heat rushed through me. My skin tingled as if an electric current were arching between us. I knew I had to do something to break the spell that Hugh had cast over me, but I was powerless. God, how I’d missed dancing with Hugh. How many times had we gone back to each other before the demands of life pulled us apart? No, before Hugh not having time for me pushed us apart. The realization was enough to break the spell, and I ended the kiss.

  I pulled away, needing to get some distance and to go search for my backbone. Instead I turned to find my mother watching me from the other end of the balcony. Even from this distance, I could see the satisfied glint in her eyes. I had no clue how long she’d been watching us, but obviously long enough, because she was beaming.

  Dammit. Nothing like giving fuel to her pursuits. Still, I wasn’t complaining at that moment, because Mother had handed me my spine, and I walked away from both of them without a look back.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  AS I stood under the midday sun, the garden of the Ashbury Estate stirred up some unwanted memories in me. I didn’t want to be there—too many conflicting emotions. No matter how lovely the surroundings, this was the same garden where generations of Winthrops had said their vows, me included. Ten years ago. It seemed like a lifetime.

  Now it was another summer day, the sun shining down through a crystal blue sky. The beauty was lost on me. Tension radiated along my neck and through my shoulders. All I wanted was for mother’s wedding rehearsal to be over and done with, but it hadn’t even started yet, and that wouldn’t happen until the best man arrived. I was always waiting on Hugh for something. To say I love you, to share his heart, to show up. Same ol’ song and dance. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was to be my fate or would I one day stop waiting.

  I rolled my neck, trying to ease some of the tension. It worked for a moment, but then Hugh came strolling through the gate. He looked good—he always looked good. I tried to turn away, but my body refused to obey my mind. I gave up trying to ignore him and watched as he walked with purpose toward me.

  Tie casually loosened and shirtsleeves rolled up over strong forearms, he stopped beside me. “Hello, Benny,” he said, his gaze intent on me.

  “Hello, Hugh.”

  For a moment, it seemed that would be the extent our conversation. Hugh, however, didn’t excuse himself and go off to speak to someone else. That would have been too easy. Instead, he remained beside me, allowing the silence between us to grow heavy and potent before he nodded toward the opposite side of the garden. “Your mother seems upset,” he remarked.

  I followed the direction of his gaze to where my mother was deep in consultation with a woman I didn’t recognize. I had already noticed the subtle lines of strain on my mother’s face. Usually Mary Grace appeared so on top of things, an optimistic manager of people and events, but at that moment, she wasn’t managing anything, not even her own wedding rehearsal. She just stood there, looking almost… anxious. I couldn’t help but worry. Mary Grace simply wasn’t the type to succumb to prewedding jitters.

  “You’re very observant,” I said to Hugh. “Most people wouldn’t realize anything’s wrong with Mother. They’d just think she was being a little restrained.”

  “We both know that your mother being restrained is enough of an oddity,” Hugh said dryly.

  I couldn’t help but smile at that, and for a moment, Hugh and I seemed to share something, a sort of insider’s knowledge, born of our long history together. But then, Hugh spoke again, and the tenuous sense of intimacy vanished.

  “Maybe I’m not so observant,” he said. “One thing escaped me entirely, the fact that you want to be an actor, Ben.”

  “How in the hell do you know about that? Wait. Let me guess. Uncle Johnathan?” I really wasn’t shocked. Hell, I expected it to happen. I had a habit of letting my guard down around my uncle. I hadn’t told him exactly what I was doing, but he was shrewd, resourceful, and at the age of eighty-two, what did he have to occupy his day but keep up with what his family was doing, that and reruns of Barney Miller. I wasn’t even that upset. I’d just hoped that I’d have a bit more time to establish myself in New York before it happened.

  I glanced over to where my great-uncle was sitting next to Hugh’s great-uncle on a wooden bench. They’d been friends forever, more like brothers, and they fought like it too. After Walter Bayard’s wife passed away six years ago, he moved into the Winthrop home. He and Uncle Johnathan had been arguing like an old married couple since. I had no doubt they cared for each other, and the more they fought, the more convinced I was that they not only loved each other, but loved the constant banter.

  As I watched them, the familiar guilt swirled in my gut. I was the last Winthrop; the whole burden of the Winthrop name rested on me, and I had failed to carry it on. Instead, I’d ended my marriage and run off to New York to pursue my own idea of happiness. I’d been reminded several times by Hugh and my family how amazingly selfish I was for running away to New York. Yet my choice had seemed clear. I could either continue being selfish or suffocate. Hugh was the last Bayard, but he still had a chance. The notion added a good dose of jealousy to the guilt.

  “Don’t be upset with Uncle Johnathan,” Hugh said, pulling me from my musings. “He genuinely cares about you, Ben. And Uncle Walter…. Walter isn’t very happy with the fact that Johnathan knew something he didn’t. I suspect you’ll be getting an earful.”

  Oh, great! Just what I needed. Still, I felt bad because, no matter what, I truly did love my family, including Walter. He’d been part of my family since I could remember, and I cared for him as equally as I did Johnathan. Hell, I cared and worried about my entire family. I desperately wanted everyone to be happy. I just couldn’t live with them.

  “I appreciate the fact that they care about me, and I care about them. But, for the first time in my life, I’m doing something on my own, without help from my family. Why does it seem like everyone thinks their happiness is more important than mine?”

  Hugh actually seemed to be contemplating my words, or maybe he was trying to figure out what to say that would cause the optimal amount of guilt. That thought put me immediately on the defensive and cranked up the tension in me a couple more levels.

  “An actor, huh?” Hugh finally asked. He tilted his head and looked at me with a quizzical expression. “I never knew you wanted to be an actor, or is this some new hobby you’ve picked up to improve your life?”

  “It annoys you, doesn’t it? Finding out that something about me was outside your control.”

  “No, I’m seriously curious,” Hugh said, sounding sincere.

  “I don’t know,” I said with a shrug. “It’s not like I went around all the time wishing I could be an actor. It wasn’t until things got bad between us that I started thinking about what I really wanted to do with my life. And that was when those old childhood dreams popped back up, and I thought why not give it a shot.” I didn’t mention the immense insecurities that assaulted me ev
ery day—every minute. I was trying, and that much I was super proud of.

  Hugh continued to study me. “Wow, I had no idea. Is that what you’re doing to support yourself?”

  I wished. “I’m doing okay.” I wasn’t about to tell him I was working for minimum wage and barely scraping by. He’d more than likely go behind my back, pay my bills, and stock my refrigerator.

  “Next you’re going to tell me you have a new man in your life.”

  I’d not had a single date, and that was part of the problem. Maybe if I had, I could have erased the hold Hugh had over me. I looked away. I was thirty-five years old and still hadn’t sown my wild oats, so to speak. I was a bigger fool than Hugh and my family thought I was. No wonder Hugh still had such power over me. Problem was, I hadn’t met anyone in New York who attracted me the way Hugh did. It was a hopeless circle. I almost laughed thinking about it, even though it wasn’t a particularly humorous situation.

  “I’m being nosy,” Hugh admitted when I didn’t answer. “I’ll stop. You don’t have to tell me anything.”

  That was a surprise—Hugh backing off before he obtained what he wanted. I glanced at him suspiciously, but it seemed the rehearsal was starting at last.

  As son of honor—damn I hated that stupid title—and best man, Hugh and I were obliged to walk down the aisle together. Ten years ago, I had walked down this exact same path.

  “Steady,” Hugh said, as if reading my thoughts. He placed his hand under my elbow. “You’re not the one getting married in two days. No reason to be nervous.”

  I huffed out a breath and stared straight ahead.

  Just then, I heard a beeping noise, as if my agitated pulse had suddenly acquired sound. The noise, however, was coming from Hugh. He clasped his hand over his pocket, trying to mute the sound of his phone. At least he had the good sense to look embarrassed. He pulled it out and frowned when he studied the display. “Sorry, I have to take this.” He walked back down the stone path and out of the garden. The rehearsal came to an awkward halt, and I’d basically just been abandoned while walking down the aisle.

  Hugh returned a few moments later. He glanced at me, then at the rest of the wedding party. “I’m very sorry, but there’s something of an emergency. Please go on without me. I’ll have Ben fill me in on what I miss.”

  All I could do was stare at him. I saw his expression, the focused intensity that always came to him whenever he spoke about his job. So things hadn’t changed over the past year, not at all, it seemed. Hugh couldn’t take even a day or two off without Bayard Investments intruding.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “THE WEDDING is off!” Mary Grace announced dramatically.

  I wasn’t sure I’d heard correctly. I stared at her. “You’re kidding me, right?”

  “I would never joke about such things, Benson. There will be no wedding tomorrow.” Mother slumped down onto the chaise like she was fainting, hand to her forehead. Christ, she had such a flair for the dramatics. Except I saw a glimpse of genuine distress. Her face seemed drawn, and her mouth had a pinched look. She appeared truly miserable.

  I wanted to help but wasn’t sure how to go about it. Mother had been snappish all day, more so than usual. I perched on the edge of the chaise longue, not an easy task since the thing was rather narrow. I patted Mary Grace’s shoulder in an awkward attempt to comfort her. “Come, come now, Mother. I’m sure whatever trouble you and Charles are having, it can be worked out. If I had to guess, I’d say you were having prewedding jitters.” Shocking for Mary Grace.

  She glared at me. “I am having no such thing. It has come to light that Charles and I have a very serious issue that cannot be resolved.”

  “You know, Mother, Charles is a reasonable man. I’m sure if there’s a problem, you can talk to him about it and work it out. I’m absolutely convinced of it, in fact.”

  Mary Grace straightened and frowned. “Well, isn’t this just interesting? I seem to remember telling you the same thing before you ran off and left poor Hugh.”

  I gritted my teeth. Leave it to Mary Grace to use her problems to try and cajole me into doing what she wanted me to do. “Mother, this isn’t about me, it’s about you and Charles, remember?”

  “How do you know my own situation is any different than what you and Hugh suffered?” Mary Grace asked. “You’re assuming Charles and I can work things out when you were so harsh on Hugh you didn’t even try. You should have been willing to listen to his side of things.”

  It was all I could do to stifle my rising anger. Mother had just broken off her engagement, but she wanted to pursue an in-depth analysis of my life. She was persistent if nothing else. “Mother, let’s have some coffee. Then maybe we can figure out what to do about—”

  “Oh, Hugh, thank goodness you’re here,” Mary Grace exclaimed, gazing toward the door.

  Hugh walked into the room. I hadn’t seen him since he’d left the wedding rehearsal and had no idea why he’d had to leave or what he’d been up to. It was annoying to realize how much I’d been thinking about him.

  In Hugh’s presence, my mother’s poor mood changed drastically. There was a glint in her eye that hadn’t been there a moment ago. I began to wonder if all the damn drama was nothing more than a ploy to get Hugh and me together.

  Hugh’s dark gaze held mine for a moment, and he seemed to be appraising me. I may have sat a little straighter, an old habit. Considering I was perched precariously on the ridiculous sofa, I doubt it did anything to make me look any better.

  Hugh turned away to speak with Mary Grace. “I came as soon as I could. What’s got you so upset?”

  The dramatic flair was firmly back in place. “Oh, Hugh, it’s just horrible.” She patted the other side of the sofa. “Come sit with me and I’ll tell you exactly what happened. I know you’ll see my point of view. I’m sure of it.” She just had to get in her little digs at my expense.

  Not happy with her or the situation, I got to my feet. “Please sit here.” My tone exuded my irritation. Hell, I didn’t even try to hide it. Like a petulant child, I stomped a few paces away, crossed my arms over my chest, and glared at them both. Only, neither of them were paying me a damn bit of attention. Mother was too busy being attentive toward Hugh and completely ignoring her son.

  “Charles wants to go house hunting,” Mary Grace complained with a bit of a whine to her tone. The sound of it set me off.

  “Are you frickin’ kidding me? You actually called us both here, making it sound like something was seriously wrong, when it was over nothing more than a spat over the number of bathrooms or some other trivial crap?”

  Mother’s eyes went wide, then just as quickly narrowed. “How can you be so cruel to suggest something so horrible of me?” She laid her hand over her heart. “My own son thinks so little of me.”

  “Come off it, Mother. It’s obviously an attempt on your part to get allies in your corner so you can use it to control Charles like you are always trying to control me.”

  “Benson—”

  Hugh hopped up and stepped between us, blocking my view of the daggers Mother was shooting at me. “Okay, let’s everyone take a deep breath.” With his back to me, Hugh addressed her first. “Why does the fact that Charles wants to go house hunting upset you?”

  “Because we have a house.” Mary Grace gestured with her hand around the room. “This house, yet he flat out refuses to live here once we are married. He claims he wants to live in our home. Some silly notion that we need something fresh and new, whatever that means.”

  I was totally on Charles’s side. I knew what it felt like to be at a disadvantage. Hugh had chosen the house on Martha’s Vineyard and the one in Charleston for himself well before I decided to live with him. At the time, I hadn’t questioned moving in, but gradually I’d come to realize that I lived in two luxurious homes that weren’t mine. I would have gladly traded both for one small house Hugh and I chose together. Hugh, of course, dismissed any such suggestion. It would be inefficient, unnecessa
ry. And for too long, I had given in. It had been a mistake.

  “Mother,” I said, stepping around Hugh. “I didn’t mean to be insensitive. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, but I have to admit, I agree with Charles on this one. What’s so horrible about wanting to start your marriage, a new beginning, in a new place? One that belongs to the both of you?”

  Mother went rigid, then ignored me. “Hugh, surely you see my side of it. I can’t possibly move out and leave the uncles here alone. They need me. With Benson away in New York—” She paused dramatically, making a point to purse her lips at me. “—I’m the only family Johnathan has. And there’s certainly room enough in this place for all of us, Charles included.”

  Hugh shrugged. “Sorry, Mary Grace, but I agree with Ben. As for our uncles, I believe they’ll get along just fine here on their own. They’re both in remarkably good health, and you already have a live-in housekeeper who can watch out for them. Ben has the right idea. Start fresh with Charles.”

  I gawked at Hugh. Was he actually agreeing with me about something?

  Mother stood up, moved away from the sofa, and in a pained voice said, “Hugh, I can’t possibly leave this house. There are so many memories here. This place holds my entire life. I can’t walk away from that.” Mary Grace looked at me with pleading eyes. “And you, Benson, don’t you understand that this is the house where I raised you, where your father and I raised you. Where we first fell in love with you, nurtured you.”

  I did feel a twinge of sympathy for her. I knew my mother was sincere in her love for my father. She’d been devastated when he’d died of a heart attack. Even though I was only twelve at the time, I vividly remembered her grief. But when it came to the part about raising and nurturing me, she was severely exaggerating. She’d done her duty, given my father an heir. The round-the-clock feeding, dirty diapers, and other such things Mother found unpleasant were left to my nannies.

  “Mother,” I finally said, “no one’s asking you to give up your memories. Charles just wants to make some new ones in a new place. Give him at least that.”